A lot of things are happening, I am in-between where I was and where I am going. A strange moment in time, I am stuck but at the same time I am still experiencing so many things that I don't really feel as much as I should be feeling. I am up and down, happy and sad and sometimes I am just ok.
This post I'd like to start with some wonderful news. I finally made a test print of the poetry / painting sort of book I've been working on for what feels like ages. I am rather pleased with how it turned out and wanted to add a few more paintings and poems until I print more. It is a strange book, filled with lots of thoughts, dreams and just words. Once it is completely finished you will be able to find it in my online shop
Last week I went to my favourite city, hopefully my future home city. A lot of things have been on my mind lately and I have not written anything on this blog for a while. So here are some bits and pieces of texts from my notebook:
I keep thinking about words. What are words? What are words when you look past the letters? What does home mean to me? What does love mean to me? The words behind the letters are the words I want to learn. Do I even have a home?a Do I have a place that I call home? I have snippets of memories, I see my family as my home. But growing up in Germany as a Dutch girl is weird, I feel neither German nor Dutch. I don't feel like I have a home country at all. Is home different for everybody? Does love hurt sometimes? Maybe it does, it is a good hurting though.
Love is good, I know that. At least I think I know.
sometimes I don't understand, why I take the time to write the things I write or why I draw the things I draw
outside it smells like spring, it really does
the birds sing, they know spring is coming
I feel alright even though I have a headache
and I don't remember the last time I ate
I am going grocery shopping now
doing grown up things is hard
I am alone
entangled in my thoughts
entangled in my fears
entangled in my hopes
I am alone
a little ghost
so far from home
snippet I wrote on the plane to Edinburgh
Johanna on a plane
I am content. I have not been this content in a long time. This plane flight has gone incredibly well until now and I even got to sit by the window without any other people close to me. The shades of blue are so nice. A light blue kind of fades into a darker blue. The clouds look like funny little things. I am going to read about butterflies now. Through the glass I see blue in all kinds of shades. I like blue it is a good colour.
|What is? Do I know? Do I want to know? Do I care? I do care. Why do I care?|
|with my wonderful friend Hilary, at waterstones, painting just being, just a good moment|
Edinburgh is wonderful, I am moving there in September- if all goes right, if all goes right. Sometimes you make decisions that don't turn out to be the best decisions but that is ok. It is just a little detour. Even then you still experience things. So if you make a decision like studying a certain subject, getting a job you thought you'd enjoy, just anything in life really. If you don't like what you are doing, don't worry about it. Don't worry about time, don't worry about 'wrong' decisions. All will turn out ok. We are all going to be ok, sometimes it just takes some time to get there.